Sexing in Your Sixties…And Beyond!!
Sexing in Your Sixties….And Beyond!!!
I recently had the privilege of listening to the podcast episode Step Up Your Foreplay by Marriage/Couples Coaches John and April Nixon!!! Oh, My!! The information they shared was on point and was presented in a way that was honest and open and inviting for those watching or listening as was evidenced by the interaction that happened with viewers.
As I watched and listened, some of what they said sounded very familiar. I was reminded of my days before marriage and sex when I talked to my mom about what to expect. I remember her clearly saying: “Sex feels like every nerve in your body is tingling,” and “Sex starts in the kitchen.” I also remembered as a teenager, watching my parents dynamics some mornings and realizing what had happened the night before. My brother and I would roll our eyes and moan in disgust, struggling to believe that our “parents” could have had sex, enjoyed it and still be smiling about it while getting ready for the day. But, then, I recalled my Aunt Lillian saying “Honey, if he can still get it up, he can still get it on!”
Now, as I am in my sixties, I am a true believer of allodat!!! Aging does not have to mean that good loving is a part of your past. And, if you’ve been in a healthy relationship with someone as long as I have - 38 years - there’s a level of connection and intimacy that often develops and moves you from just “having sex” to truly “making love”. I shared this concept with my college students when I was teaching, acknowledging that their little sexual escapades may be enjoyable, but it’s hard to beat making love to someone whose shared life together has deep soul experience, meaning and connection.
The journey to aging and empty nests can bring sadness of loss aaannnndddd, the opportunity to have sex whenever, wherever and as often as you like. The need for modesty is gone because it’s just the two of you in the house, so that in itself is freeing. The need for protection from pregnancy is over…hallelujah. And, the time for foreplay - massage, bathing, dancing, roleplaying, playing love songs, cuddling, watching movies, etc.,can be as much as you want it to be. But, what if that’s not your story. In our Healthy LIfestyle/Wellness Coaching, we keep seeing older adults who have the desire but can’t light the fire!! Here’s some things that we know make a difference:
Go to Therapy - For some couples, aging and the empty nest is not all full of joy. Truth is, sometimes there’s been more focus on the daily duties of life and raising kids than each other. Then when you arrive at this part of life, you’re practically strangers. Get. Some. Therapy. Sit down with an expert who can help you unpack the distance, even anguish that exists, so that you are able to re-establish emotional intimacy.
WORSHIP Together - Sex was a gift designed by the Creator to bring absolute pleasure. And, when you are connected spiritually, everything else gets better. I’m not talking about corporate worship. I mean couples worship. Discover what the Creator wants to say to the two of you. Song of Solomon is always a good book to read together. Sometimes, for women, seeing their man going to the throne on their behalf is a turn-on in itself!! IJS!!
Address Physical Challenges - They can really make sex an unpleasant chore.
Physical Limitation/Disability - Get creative with what you CAN do instead of focusing on what you can’t. Perfect time to try out new positions. No one will be knocking on the door!!
Erectile Dysfunction - Is often called the “canary in the coal mine” for heart disease. We keep seeing this in many of our patients. But there is HOPE!!. JAMA cited a study that found that normal sexual function returned in almost one-third of the men who ate less saturated fat and cholesterol (both of which are abundant in animal products) and more fiber (only found in plant foods). If they add exercise….simply walking….that will also help the process. Embracing a total plant powered diet brings even greater results (watermelon has powers). And, by the way, making these changes not only hardens the penis and softens the blood vessels, they also increase number of erections and improves endurance. It’s a real GameChanger. Let the church say AMEN!! Happiness for everyone!!
Vaginal Dryness - Following menopause, hormonal changes can make sex painful. Sometimes, relationship/personal therapy can be a major tool in helping your body to relax and lubricate itself. Sex for women is highly emotional. Releasing and healing your heart/soul can unlock the tiger in your tank. In addition, lifestyle change, some personal fitness practice and use of lubricants, can definitely help as well. Check out Dr. Janelle Howell, DPT, on Instagram. She is the Vagina Rehab Doctor and will have you ready to GO I mean COME!!! LOL!!!
Start an exercise program together. Walking is one of the easiest things to do and always improves circulation. And, if you add something like Pilates or Yoga, you can improve your stretching ability……….
Goodbye to whatever “old people sex” is. Hello Good Lovin’!!
Sexing in Your Sixties! Keep the fires BURNING!!! Let’s Goooo!!! Happy Wellness Wednesday!!!
I’m Still Shoutin’ Ova Here!!
Donna
“I am my beloved’s and his desire is toward me.” Song of Solomon 7:10
“His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.” Song of Solomon 3:6
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