In Sickness and In Health
I was minding my own business and working in rural Georgia when I got the call from my Aunt Pris!! She had been on her knees praying for me and my love life and in the midst of her prayer a young man’s face appeared. She jumped up off her knees and ran and called his mom who was her best friend to find out where he was and what was going on in his life. The next day she called me to see if she could give him my number and following my agreement, she phoned him to share about this wonderful young woman that she thought he should connect with. Turns out, we were both living in Georgia, just 3 hours apart. After a reintroduction, (we had gone to college together) we met, found love and were married 9 months later. Aunt Pris was there. Our families were happy for us. My daddy took the mic talkin’ bout, “Surely this marriage was made in heaven.”
As we packed our bags to start our lives, we had no idea what else was in the suitcases besides our clothing and wedding presents. Nor did we understand what else we would encounter. We believed God wanted us together, and we were ready to love and cherish each other, even in sickness and in health.
Well, as many married couples discover, while we may appear healthy, many of us learn that we carry scars from woundings we experienced that contribute to unhealthy behaviors as we seek ways to cope and ease our pain. I’m not talking about the lifestyle diseases that show up. I mean the things you didn’t see or ignored that can be really challenging to deal with in a lifelong, intimate relationship, i.e., unresolved trauma, shame, debt, need to control, need to please, lack of communication skills, anger, addiction, different views of sexuality/intimacy.
We had our share of unpackings.
Life lifed with my breast cancer diagnosis and his anxiety.
If I am honest, there were days when we really didn’t think we could make it.
But, here we are, 40 years later, celebrating on July 15.
How did we do it?
-We were certain that God arranged this marriage, so we relied on that thought and guidance from Him through the challenging days that lay ahead. He was the cord that bound our hearts.
-We never wanted to end the marriage at the same time. Praise Jesus for THAT!!!!
-We sought out professional help. (The stuff we found in our suitcases was WHEW!!) Therapy was life changing and is what we highly recommend for every marriage. Back in the day when we married, you usually had a few sessions with a minister. Today……we fully support and understand the value of premarital counseling/therapy and in marriage counseling/therapy with a trained professional.
-We pray about everything. EVERYTHING!!!
-We never gave up.
-We agreed to disagree.
-We didn’t share our business with errbody.
-We accepted that the challenges we faced were not who we were, but what we were experiencing.
-We reflected on what drew us together in the first place.
-We learned how WE communicated. Families of origin make you enter marriage with certain expectations.
-We realized that sometimes we were triggered and we were really having a conversation with someone who wasn’t even in the room…..but in our painful memories.
-We learned to receive observational critique from our son. Our kids REALLY see who we are.
-We offered patience and compassion and forgiveness.
-We belly laughed.
-We chose to love each other the way we each needed to be loved and to do the hard work.
Loving through sickness and health is a little more than dealing with diabetes and hypertension or the results of a bad car accident. It also means facing the challenges that we bring to the marriage, that make us all a little sick at the start and being committed to doing the work of healing.
It’s 40 years this month. And, when we sometimes come up for air…….(that 60’s sex is🔥)…..we are so thankful that we followed the Creator’s plan for our lives and are cherishing every moment of the time we still have together.
Happy Anniversary My Love!!!
Thank You for Loving Me In Sickness and In Health!!
Here’s to Love and Marriage!! Commit to Doing The Work!!! Happy 4th of July!! It’s First Thursday Yawl!!
I’m Still Shoutin’ Ova Here!!
Donna
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