Shake That Family Tree!!!

“The coming of summer heralds cook-outs, line dancing, and brightly colored t-shirts iconic of Black family reunions. These events serve as important rituals in African American families that are heavily enmeshed in centuries of American slavery.” (nmaahc.si.edu)  Finding your people has been challenging for African Americans because of poor/no record keeping during slavery coupled with the way our families were scattered by the enslavers.  But, many of the newly freed enslaved people were determined to find their people and “reunite”. And, their descendants are still shaking the tree often accessing information via ancestry.com

I started paying more attention to this tradition when my husband’s family gathered for a reunion in the mid 1990’s.  It was so exciting to watch and so much to learn as they gathered from around the country.  Turns out the family traced back to Virginia.  And, I discovered that through marriage I was related to people who I’d known for years as friends…..that were now counted as family.

A lot of things can fall out of a family tree when you start shaking it though.  Watching Skip Gates  help people Find Their Roots  proved that and was so intriguing to me.  As interested as you may be in discovery, many are struck by the confirmation of details that can be life-altering or life-affirming truth.  And the details of the circumstances can sometimes be kinda tricky to navigate.

My father and his brother were born into “circumstances”.  Conceived outside of their father’s marriage, they were raised by their mom with help from an Auntie (who was my Grandfather’s sister) and their maternal Grandmother using their mother’s last name.  It wasn’t until one of them was interested in a young lady that they discovered that she was actually their sibling.  And, upon signing up for the military, they discovered their “other” name on their birth certificate.  That’s when they became Greens.  They both had children of their own.  Uncle Bobby had Timothy, Michael and Robet’.  My dad had my brother Stephen and me.

Thankfully, my grandfather’s children got along.  They all lived in the same neighborhood so they interacted.  Mt. Pisgah AME was the family church. As a child, I visited his home and met his wife who was always so full of love and always so kind to me. I got to know 3 of 4 of my dad’s sisters and I clearly remember one brother.  One Aunt was a nurse and free spirit whose home we often visited and went on family outings with to the park where my brother and I played with her children, Keith, Eric, Gayle, Jenny and Paul, our cousins.  Good Times!!  The other Aunt was also a nurse who I remember as being so much fun.  While I haven’t gotten to meet her daughter Courtney in person yet, my dad made sure he kept in touch and told me about her.  She has been one of the women whose natural hair I’ve truly admired on my own natural hair journey.  The other Aunt was my favorite.  She was an educator. I clearly remember standing across the street from a big church on the day of her wedding and seeing her come out in a beautiful dress.  When my dad died, she came and stayed with me for the funeral and I knew right away that she was me and I was she.  My mom had sisters, but I looked unlike them and wondered who else in my family I looked like.  And then my Aunt was standing in my house and I was overcome that I had finally made the family connection I’d been looking for.

She was warm and caring and no-nonsense and educated and a woman of faith and LOVED to shop and liked nice things and when I was showing her my home and we ended up in my closet she actually recognized the brands of shoes I had and said “Donna, I have those too!” Yawl…..we had the SAME taste and I was shooketh.  Happy but shooketh!!!!

This Aunt made a determined effort to jump over the circumstances of our family and make sure that we stayed connected.  In recent years, she introduced me to cousins I didn’t know, including Lisa, the daughter of my other Aunt that I never knew who is an UHMAZING woman and mother and has 2 brothers Lance and Curtis!!  I’ve also connected with David and Jason, who looks just like my uncle, his dad.  I found out that these cousins are educators, some have attended HBCU’s, they are full of faith and a couple live nearer to me than I imagined.  My Aunt did some more family history research and found out that we go back through slavery to Ireland, which explains why some of my grandfather’s sisters were light enough to pass……..if they wanted to.  She wanted to know what was going on in our lives and kept telling us that we needed to stay connected and keep our family stories as our legacy.

Last week her husband, my Uncle Pooksie called to tell me that she’d been rushed to the hospital and he didn’t think she was gonna make it.  A couple hours later, he called back to say she had passed.  I’m heartbroken.  I was hoping for some more time.  Since COVID I’ve wanted to see her and hug her and thank her for how she enriched my life.  But, I’ll never get to do it.

I will however have a heart that is grateful for an Aunt who wasn’t deterred by the details of the circumstances.  She thought enough of us to tell us the truth and love us all.  She showed us how to love a husband.  She showed us how to life a principled life.  She showed us the value of mothering as she raised her son, my cousin Robbie.  She showed us how to make a difference in the lives of others.  She showed us the value of a relationship with God. And, she was the favorite Aunt……to all of us.

Because our families are so impacted by the legacy of slavery and people’s choices, some of us are hesitant to “Shake That Ole Family Tree”.  A dear friend who was very interested in her family history was told to just leave it alone…..there was no need to bring up all that stuff.  I’m glad my Aunt shook the tree.  We have absolutely no control over the choices that our parents or grand parents or great-grand parents made.  None. But, we can choose to learn from their choices and tell the stories and make choices that affirm our loved ones and positively impact our family legacy.  And that’s exactly what she did.

I will miss Aunt Elaine Minnie Green Walters.

I thank God for her and for my Uncle Robert (Pooksie) Walters who loved her till the very end.

I only hope that the seeds she sowed into all of her nieces and nephews lives will produce big blooms on the Green Family Tree.

Rest Well Aunt  Elaine…..Rest Well.

Shake That Family Tree!! Jump Over The Circumstances!!  It’s Wellness Wednesday!!

I’m Still Shoutin’ Ova Here!!

Donna

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